I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
