So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
