Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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