for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
