All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
