Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
