Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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