so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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