Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
