it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
