People in love make me want to vomit
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
