well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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