I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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