3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
