You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
