Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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