I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
