Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
