Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
