My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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