she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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