i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
