My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
