for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
