Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
