Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
