we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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