So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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