Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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