I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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