So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
