cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
