wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
