I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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