I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
