dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are my feet made of real feet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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