Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
