I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
