we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
