also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
