If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's blow job season.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
