At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
