...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
