Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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