My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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