you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
