I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
