Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
