Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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