her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
