that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
