Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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