Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
