If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
